Beginnings

Change was never easy for me. As a child (and sometimes still as an adult) my mother called me a worry-wart. Every time I moved up a grade or had to take a test, I would bite my nails and sweat it out. Mom was always telling me to relax. She once got me these little "worry people" made of wood that live in a little, tiny bag under your pillow to help take away some of the fear. It was really just a cute gesture, but I still have them under my pillow.

This last week was all about new things and starting over for me. Not all of it was by choice- my good friend and apartment mate of two years graduated and moved away. I was sad to see him go and nervous to find new people to live with, but I did. My new apartment mates are good people too and I'm sure that in no time I'll be settled in.

I also got a new job! I'm in the same location, working with the same people that I like, but now I have permanent status and benefits! That means this year when I play rugby, I won't have to be so concerned about how to pay for health insurance (or when I get sick)! It means a pay increase and added responsibilities. I had to interview with the CEO, which was terrifying for me. The man has worked on the same, small floor with me for a year and never said a word to me so I was intimidated. I could barely sleep the two nights before the interview. But as my good friend and coach told me, "He's just a person" and he really was "just a person." In fact, he was pretty easy to talk to!

It's a new year and a new rugby season as well. Not only will I have health benefits and a pay increase to help me pay my dues, but I will have a changed body. I am still one of the slower girls on the team, but I have improved from last year and my attitude is stronger, which is very important! This year, I want to have fun! And stop comparing myself so much to others. I play rugby because I think it's the most fun sport I could possibly play and because I believe it's healthy for me, so why waste my time worry about how everyone else is doing?

I believe that all the new things, people, places in life are very important for you to experience if you are to grow. We cannot change and evolve ourselves if everything is static. It was easier to believe once I just stopped freaking out so much. I'm sure I'll always be nervous about new experiences, who wouldn't be? I've come to realize that by allowing it to scare you, it then rules your entire experience, and it was never worth being so stressed out about so really you just wasted your time. Looking at it positively can save you a lot of heartache, and I'm fairly certain that on both a mental and even physical level, it's much healthier for you. It was a lesson that took me a very long time to learn and I may never fully realize it. However, I do believe in the power of a positive mind and that change is a gift. I trust that whatever life throws at me is necessary, whether or not it makes me happy initially. I believe that positivity and new beginnings were a gift left to us by the creator, otherwise life would be static and boring. We just have to decide to use the gifts left to us and believe that we have it within ourselves to adapt. Believe you have the power!

New Beginnings make me believe that maybe I can do this just a little bit longer! That there is more to life then I have seen - better things! Better things that I WILL see!

"Spears shall be shaken! Shields Shall be splintered! A sword day! A red day! THEN THE SUN RISES!" -Aragorn, The Return of the King