"Swing Low, Sweet Chariot"

--Sorry for being MIA the last week, I was sick and definitely not myself. Anyway, the show goes on!--

Swing low, sweet chariot
Coming for to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home.

"Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" was inspirational for me this week. I don't mean to seem bleak, but sometimes life is a real struggle. Every day this week, I woke up with a intense dizziness. The kind of dizzy were it doesn't matter whether you're laying down with your eyes closed or up and running in circles, your head really hurts. Living was painful. This song however, was soothing for my poor head. The deep, sugary-sweet voices all sounding in unison together, gives me a real feeling of power. The deepness especially, makes it sound like a god's voice. Apart of what is so appealing about the song is having all the voices blending together to create a golden harmony. I prefer immensely, for the song to be sung in a group and feel that the message of the song is lost when a single soloist is featured. I don't really care how gifted they are, it just doesn't do the same thing for me.

Sometime's I'm up, and sometimes I'm down,

(Coming for to carry me home)

But still my soul feels heavenly bound.

(Coming for to carry me home)

Historically, the song was created and sung by the slaves of the deep south. It was a song who lyrics told them that even if they weren't free literally or metaphorically from the the terrible suffering that others inflicted on them, they would be upon death. No matter what happened to them in live, whether they escaped, were freed, or lived the entirety of their live in anguish, that peace, joy, safety, and their families would be theirs in heaven. I think the idea of the friends and family being reunited was especially important because its common knowledge that the slaves were ruthlessly separated from even the most immediate of their family members. Intimate friends, lovers, and even children and babies were merciless ripped away from each other.

If you get there before I do,
(Coming for to carry me home)
Tell all my friends I'm coming too.
(Coming for to carry me home)

I feel that the word "home" is used in place of "heaven" because the heaven for them (and maybe for all of us), is where we feel safe, loved, and at peace and these are all qualities we associate with our homes, or what we try to make them. Heaven was having a permanent home and place they could rely on to always be there. 

It is also rumored that "Sweet Low, Sweet Chariot" was one of the songs sung to attract people to the underground railroad. The lyrics for "Chariot" were sometimes substituted with the underground railroad hero, "Harriet" as in "Harriet Tubman." Slaves would sing "Swing Low, Sweet Harriet" to alert others to their opportunity to escape to freedom. The song was not only a metaphorical sign of hope, but a literal one because it really did help the African Americans escape to freedom in Canada. 

Even for the slaves that never did escape however, I can see why they would be so inclined to sing. Especially this song. Music carries our souls somewhere heavenly, out of the often sad and depressing world we live in. It is something all people can love, enjoy, and be truly transformed by. To me, it is further evidence that all people are the same inside, in our souls. It connects us by bringing us back the basic necessities we all cherish; peace, love, safety and the idea of striving for a better existence.

 Swing Low, Swing Chariot, someday we will all be free, this I believe.

I know this is British, but it's the unity in the voices that I loved (plus the video quality was good).

My Father

When I was in middle school a very sad thing happened, my parents got divorced. It may not seem like a big deal considering how many people get divorced these days in the United States. "50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce," according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri. I have few friends whose families were not touched by divorce. But it was a huge deal for me and for my family, something none of us could have predicted just a few years ealier. My family was broken, destroyed and it took a long time for us to reform into new families. No one close to me made it out without what I considered to be, significant changes in their personalities.


Because of this divorce I was separated from my Dad, on and off, for considerable amounts of time. From the ages of 0-12 (approx) my Dad come home every night at dinner time. We all sat together around the table and talked about our day. Then my Sister and I, would grab a bowl of ice cream and sit on the couch with our Dad while he would read to us aloud. The Wizard of Oz, Ozma of Oz, all three Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, Robin Hood, and most of the Harry Potter series are just a few of the chapter books that came to life from the voice of my Father. But then my parents started fighting. And I saw far less of him. I don't know why these things happen, I just know that it did. And the books on the coffee table went untouched for a long time. When my Dad was there, we did make an effort to read together, but it was hard because it was so infrequent. It may sound strange, but I was sad when I finished the Harry Potter series by myself. It felt weird and unsettling. 


Never the less, I kept reading and starting writing. Inspired by all the books we had read, their was no question in my mind what I wanted to eventually do as a career. I had known since I was probably 5 years old when my Dad decided it was time to start reading me chapter books, that I wanted to create the same things that I so much enjoyed. I wanted to be a writer. When my friends and I graduated from high school, so many of them didn't know what they wanted to do. I never had that problem. Communications and the study and practice of writing Literature became my focus in college and I've never regretted it.


It would be unkind not to mention that my Mother supported me every step of the way, because she most certainly did. However, it was my Father who read to me every night when I was a small child. It was through my father that I found the inspiration for my career. When I am an old women, no longer able to play rugby, have to put my dentures in to play my trumpet, and can't steady my hands enough to draw, I will still have my books. Perhaps I will have a daughter, granddaughter or niece that will again read to me aloud, bringing the pages of the stories I love to life.


I love my Father very much, and though we don't always share a lot of the same core beliefs, I know that we share a passion for knowledge and what is good and just in this world. So many of the books we read together reflected that message strongly. I don't think my Dad would care to hear that he a reason I believe in something higher, but I don't think he would be unhappy hearing that he is a reason I have hope and faith that there is goodness in the world, and good people.


This one is for my Daddy, and all the Daddies this Father's Day. Give your kids something positive and good to believe in because they believe in you!

Big Men with Big Hearts

I was in the gym yesterday, jogging on the treadmill when a familiar song came on the radio over the loudspeakers called "Mockingbird" by Eminem. Now, I'm not a big fan of Eminem. Most of the time, his lyrics just don't appeal to me and I don't even pretend to love the "Mockingbird" song. However, what followed did make my heart flutter; I thought I heard an echo in the song, like maybe the speakers were delayed or something. So I twisted my body a bit (which is a hard thing to do while running on a treadmill) and saw that a handful of the guys in the gym were singing along to the song.


"Two little beautiful girls
Lookin' puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusing you
Daddy's always on the move, mama's always on the news
I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems
The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me-"

I have to admit I was surprised. These guys weren't little guys by any means. They were all pretty muscular and many of the them sported tattoos. I have no idea if any of them were dads, but the song must have touched them in some way. One guy in particular seemed completely unashamed to be singing the song allowed.

"I remember back one year when daddy had no money

Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me
Cause daddy couldn't buy 'em
I'll never forget that Christmas I sat up the whole night crying-"

Again, I don't know if this guy was poor or if he even had kids, but I had to stop and admire that moment. Here was what appeared to be, a man's man. Tall, buff, tattooed, and wearing a beer branded shirt. I don't try to judge who people are based on their appearance, but he seemed to be making a conscious effort to at least seem tough. 

This moment reminded me of a man that I am fond of from my recent past. I had a guy couch when I played rugby in college who was not a little guy. He was tall and quite solid. A prop for his own rugby team, this was not a guy you'd want to pick a fight with. He drinks beer, plays rugby, and hits the gym hard. But like everything he does, he also loves intensely. This coach has two kids at home that (apart from rugby) I think he loves more than anything in the world. He also loves and protects the young women he coaches for. When I was at school there, he called us his "baby angels." I never really liked the name itself as I don't see myself that way, but what I did really like was how sensitive he was when he talked to us and about us. When we made it to nationals, he balled his eyes out trying to tell us how proud he was. Sometimes during practice, he would tell us "Now if you really want to hit that other kid hard, you gotta get fired up. Picture that they're trying to take something away from you that matters to you more than anything in the world. I pretend like that asshole is trying to hurt my kids and then nothing in the world can stop me" or at least it was something like that (maybe not word for word). I once watched him console a player who broke her hand. He walked over to her, pulled his sleeve over his hand, and gently wiped her tears away. I don't remember what he said to her, but it doesn't much matter. It was the way he did it that told me what kind of guy he was. 

Like Eminem, I think my coach would have done anything for his own kids and maybe even for the kids he coaches. Watching those very masculine guys sing that song in the gym and reminding me of a good man I knew/know and for a moment, it made me believe in a God. These guys believe very strongly in their appearance because society has taught them exactly how to be "manly men" and singing a lullaby is not it. Perhaps the fact that it was Eminem made it more acceptable for them, but whatever the reason, I'm glad they felt it was ok to step outside the boundaries that society has set for them and show some sensitivity and maybe love for someone waiting for them at home. I believe the coach I knew was the real man, it didn't matter to me that he was big and strong, what mattered to me was that he loved intensely and he wasn't too embarrassed to show it. That's a real man. 

"Little Talks" Of Monsters and Men

For those of you don't know, there's a new band on the block and their name is "Of Monsters and Men." Their most popular song, "Little Talks" rocked them to fame from their home country of Iceland to touring around the world. The music video is full of dazzling imagery and both the song and video are full of deep meaning and inspiration.

Now I can't speak for the artists or band members as to what their song/video was meant to say, I can only interpret what it meant to me. Likely, you may see something else entirely when you watch the video.

At the beginning of the song, we see a black and white, colorless land and five awkward men floating on a fanciful ship- of sorts. The people move in an animated cut-out paper doll fashion, and it adds to their fragile, awkward being. Then, suddenly a ball of color hits the screen in the form of a meteor. From within the meteor, an alien of great power and overwhelming brilliance emerges from within. She is so powerful that it sends the poor little paper-like people flying backwards. Despite her obvious superiority, she decides to join them on their voyage in the sky, floating just above their bizarre little ship.

Countless monsters of massive size and abilities beyond what any of the little men could ever hope to possess attack them as they try to make it to...well through life? It's hard to say and its never mentioned. Every time they struggle against what we would think are surely impossible evils, this sort of intelligent, mystic being from the meteor, saves them. She appears to be much smaller then the monsters she faces, but her power is far mightier. With one puff of color, she explodes them into a million pieces, destroying them so completely that its as if they had never been there at all.

At the end, the men loose sight of their ship, but this guardian helps them ascend on high, into the the clouds above. Once again, a mighty beast appears, just as threatening and frightening as the many others they faced. It has several eyes enabling it to see in any direction it so desires, huge teeth, and wings. But unlike the other monsters, the mystic angel greets the beast with a smile, a smile she has not shown until then. The beast does not attack, but spreads its wings open wide across the entire screen, showing that it too, has sparkling plumage, fur, and a white light pouring from its head. All colors of the rainbow fill the sky and the five little men who see this cannot believe it. Their mouths open wide, all they can do is gape in amazement.

This is...God? It could definitely be one person's vision of it. As unusual as it is, compared to the rest of the vial creatures in the video, it is quite beautiful and brings "color" to an otherwise dull and frightening world.

The song itself, could be interpreted many different ways. I did not find one definite explanation among fans. But what words were especially important to me were in the chorus, "Although the truth may vary this/ ship will carry our/ bodies safe to shore..." I see it as, no matter what happens, time (I think of the ship as a metaphor for it) will bring us to the end of our struggles in life. Our pain will not last forever. And if you so choose to believe it, waiting for in the afterlife will be your friends, family, guardians, and all the colors of the rainbow you can imagine and more. So much so, that you won't be able to take it all in let alone believe how wonderful it truly is. This little band, from the little country of Iceland, and their one particular song that I am now in love with, made me believe and feel inspired once again- if only just a little bit more.

Albus Dumbledore

"No spell can reawaken the dead, Harry. I trust you know that. Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy."

I'm afraid we live in a world that has constant evil. It's true that we've never had to battle a dark wizard bent on destroying non-magical people, but we as a race, have faced many a foe who hated others because they were different, "impure," or thought of as one to be envied. The world is full of evil intentions. It's always been hard for me to claim that any one person is "evil." It seems so finite, too concrete for me to give anyone this label, but I do believe their are evil intentions. Fear and the inability to understand others, or even oneself, causes such violence and despair among people. I believe life is about learning and learning to love all. But sometimes people just can't see beyond themselves or really see the big picture, and they get lost. I don't hate these people, I pity them. Dumbledore once told Harry, "Do not pity the dead Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.”

 I believe that even as evil as Voldemort's intentions were, that Dumbledore (or J.K. Rowling if you want to be more realistic about it) wanted us to pity this man of dark ways. He was an orphan, a tormented, unloved boy who could never grow up because he did not know who he was. With no one to show him what was good within himself, only what was "wrong" (being weak, alone, and a half-blood) he could not love himself, nor others. His life was built on the only thing he know for certain had good results- power. Now there is nothing inherently wrong with power, it is the desire for power above all else that is evil. Tom Riddle's every waking moment was obsessed with the idea of keeping himself on top of the food chain. What a miserable existence, constantly worrying about whether or not you're the most powerful in the world and all the while wondering how you could be so strong and yet still be so unhappy. Hence, the madness. Obsession of any kind is never healthy, but to obsess over power most be the most lonely for there is no one to trust for everyone you bring up with you in strength then becomes a competitor.

Everyone has problems or maybe minor obsessions that drag us down. Sometimes, we end up feeling as alone and crazy as Voldemort, but what sets us apart is our choices.

"It is not our abilities that show us what we truly are, it is our choices." We are no more immune to the mistakes and sadness that is our imperfect human nature than Voldemort was, but we do not have to decide to take the same path. Harry Potter worried constantly about his similarities to the darkest man ever to walk the face of the earth. He was an orphan and from the time he was a baby was tormented and unloved by what was left of his family. He could talk to snakes, a Biblical evil (yet realistically misunderstood) creature. He was ambitious and had a "thirst to prove himself" and was even offered a place in Slytherin House. But he turned it down. He felt alone in the world, but choose to turn down Malfoy's friendship in his first year at school and instead surrounded himself by kind, brave, and loving people. He wanted to prove his bravery, but instead of keeping the world's most powerful wand, he got rid of it. It was his choices that set him apart. For those of us that may have a little more trouble then Harry in finding good fortune to help us along the way, Dumbledore tells his students this, "Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." He means to say, do not wallow in the darkness, as is easiest to do. Surround yourself with good people to support you. Search for love in the world and you will find it. It may not always be where you wanted it to be or where you expected it to be, but it is there. "Help will always be given at Hogwarts, to those who ask for it." There is always help, in some form. Sometimes it comes from within ourselves, a strength we didn't know we had. To me, I believe this hidden power is our very essence, our soul, and the part of our creator that insists on staying with us, even if no one else does. 

"Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it."
Dumbledore pets Fawkes, who would later rescue Harry from the Basilisk. 

Of course, we cannot fight the evil forever, unlike our good Earth, we cannot simply recycle ourselves very spring and be born anew. Our bodies grow old and tired of standing up to the graceful yet cruel world we inhabit. And even more so, our minds grow old of what the Earth has to teach us. Still, we hang on as long as we can because this home is all we've ever known. What if there is nothing else afterward? What if we are not reborn, go to heaven, find peace in our final resting place? "It’s the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more," Dumbledore says reassuringly. All that is truly holding us back from our next chapter, is the fear of what is to come. Simply because you cannot see it, doesn't mean their is not something there to catch you when you fall- like walking up a staircase in the dark. The next step is there, its just so hard to trust it. When Harry has his brief experience with death, Dumbledore tells him that he was two choices, he can simply stay at King's Cross Station, or he can board the train. "And where will it take me?" Harry asks, most likely expecting either "Heaven" or some location on Earth, but instead Dumbledore simply smiles and says "On."

It will take us onward. It doesn't matter where, and in fact, you couldn't choose not to go even if you didn't want to. But it will take you on. “After all to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” An adventure! Sometimes fear of the unknown can be exciting. If you knew what was around every turn...wouldn't your existence get a little boring? When it is time, we move on to the next big thing.

More me, I believe that "heaven" is simply whatever is next. It means at least a brief moment of rest after our life-long marathon and hopefully, it means being surrounded by the love and peace we sought throughout our lives. And then something new to continue onto. 

I believe that there is something beyond because someone like Rowling could create a character that puts us at ease. Here's a man that doesn't even exist, except within Rowling's mind, and he feels so real, so wise, so loving. I trust him even though he barely exists. As Harry turns to continue his own journey, he calls to Dumbledore, "Professor, is this all in my head?" Dumbledore looks back at him and says, "Of course it's all in your head, but why should that mean that it's not real?" He may be a made up character, but he exists in Rowling's mind. He exists in mine, and in the minds of millions of eager little boys, girls, and their parents who grew to love him. Love is always real. It may be in our minds, but it's also in our souls. I believe in him, just as I believe in love, goodness, and the journey beyond. 

He lives within us. 

 "This kind of mark cannot be seen. It lives in your very skin. 

 Love, Harry. Love."