Big Men with Big Hearts

I was in the gym yesterday, jogging on the treadmill when a familiar song came on the radio over the loudspeakers called "Mockingbird" by Eminem. Now, I'm not a big fan of Eminem. Most of the time, his lyrics just don't appeal to me and I don't even pretend to love the "Mockingbird" song. However, what followed did make my heart flutter; I thought I heard an echo in the song, like maybe the speakers were delayed or something. So I twisted my body a bit (which is a hard thing to do while running on a treadmill) and saw that a handful of the guys in the gym were singing along to the song.


"Two little beautiful girls
Lookin' puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusing you
Daddy's always on the move, mama's always on the news
I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems
The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me-"

I have to admit I was surprised. These guys weren't little guys by any means. They were all pretty muscular and many of the them sported tattoos. I have no idea if any of them were dads, but the song must have touched them in some way. One guy in particular seemed completely unashamed to be singing the song allowed.

"I remember back one year when daddy had no money

Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me
Cause daddy couldn't buy 'em
I'll never forget that Christmas I sat up the whole night crying-"

Again, I don't know if this guy was poor or if he even had kids, but I had to stop and admire that moment. Here was what appeared to be, a man's man. Tall, buff, tattooed, and wearing a beer branded shirt. I don't try to judge who people are based on their appearance, but he seemed to be making a conscious effort to at least seem tough. 

This moment reminded me of a man that I am fond of from my recent past. I had a guy couch when I played rugby in college who was not a little guy. He was tall and quite solid. A prop for his own rugby team, this was not a guy you'd want to pick a fight with. He drinks beer, plays rugby, and hits the gym hard. But like everything he does, he also loves intensely. This coach has two kids at home that (apart from rugby) I think he loves more than anything in the world. He also loves and protects the young women he coaches for. When I was at school there, he called us his "baby angels." I never really liked the name itself as I don't see myself that way, but what I did really like was how sensitive he was when he talked to us and about us. When we made it to nationals, he balled his eyes out trying to tell us how proud he was. Sometimes during practice, he would tell us "Now if you really want to hit that other kid hard, you gotta get fired up. Picture that they're trying to take something away from you that matters to you more than anything in the world. I pretend like that asshole is trying to hurt my kids and then nothing in the world can stop me" or at least it was something like that (maybe not word for word). I once watched him console a player who broke her hand. He walked over to her, pulled his sleeve over his hand, and gently wiped her tears away. I don't remember what he said to her, but it doesn't much matter. It was the way he did it that told me what kind of guy he was. 

Like Eminem, I think my coach would have done anything for his own kids and maybe even for the kids he coaches. Watching those very masculine guys sing that song in the gym and reminding me of a good man I knew/know and for a moment, it made me believe in a God. These guys believe very strongly in their appearance because society has taught them exactly how to be "manly men" and singing a lullaby is not it. Perhaps the fact that it was Eminem made it more acceptable for them, but whatever the reason, I'm glad they felt it was ok to step outside the boundaries that society has set for them and show some sensitivity and maybe love for someone waiting for them at home. I believe the coach I knew was the real man, it didn't matter to me that he was big and strong, what mattered to me was that he loved intensely and he wasn't too embarrassed to show it. That's a real man.